Sunday, May 31, 2015

I was Divorced on Friday.

Friday was the day.  The day when my husband took me into a court room and divorced me.  I have spent the last year praying it would never happen. I can not even begin to tell you how many people have actively gotten on their knees an prayed over us and him.  I have prayed he would choose to love me again and come home to our family...but he didn't.  He has moved on an did it a long time ago.  Our 26 years of marriage and 30 years together were nothing.  During the proceedings he never looked at me, afterwards when I sat alone in my car crying he chose to walk by and not acknowledge me or see if I was OK.  That is when I realize what I really must mean to him. 
 
But, that isn't the way I felt for him all those years.  I loved him more than life itself and gave him everything I had to give. I was far from perfect but I gave him all my heart, devotion an adoration and believed his words and actions.  I believed in a God that had created us for each other an ordained our family as His. Now...I don't know. I truly believed we were created for each other because God knew the issues we would face and he made us so that we would weather the storms until my husband gave up. I don't even know what I believe anymore.
 
The saddest thing. though, is how his choices have destroyed what was once a happy, whole family that loved each other.  Now the bonds are broken...between Mother & Daughter, Sister & Brother, Brothers, Father & Son.  We are just the rubble of what once was. Rubble he never has to see. We paid for his choices in our pain. But he is happy and whole.
 
I realize many people will feel I shouldn't have written this post but it has been a long time since I have felt brave enough to write about us, our family, our marriage.  I am feeling braver now and maybe that is a good sign.  Maybe it is a sign of healing within myself, maybe it is growth, maybe I have had my eyes opened to reality, maybe it is just done. I haven't cried all weekend because the man that sat in that courtroom I did not know, and did not want to know....so maybe love does go away.
 
If you have a wife or a husband and/or children, hug them a little tighter, a little longer with a little more intention because it can all be gone in a blink of an eye. Choose to love, even if it is just choosing to love living today just a little more! :-)
 
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Monday, May 25, 2015

Thank you will never be enough, Memorial Day 2015

I have never known the anguish of having a loved one far away fighting for my freedom.  I have never known the fear and silence between letters and calls.  I have never known the prayers that a Mother, a Father, Wife, Sister, Brothers must pray when their loved one has been called into duty.  But, I do know the thankfulness I feel when I think of the brave men and women who have given their very last breath to save what we take for granted...freedom.  I know the thankfulness I feel when my children can play freely in a park without fear and they can be taught differing world views without retribution.  That is because of the ones who gave it all.  Thank you will never be enough.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Mother's Day!

Well, here I am again and it has been months since I have made time to blog.  But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about what Motherhood has meant to me.  From my first Mother's Day back in 1992 to today my children have taught me so much about life and who I am.  They are my world.

The last couple of years have been very hard and the children and I have taken more than one curve ball but I still love being their Mother.  I have been so blessed by each and everyone of them as they have often had the tables turned on them and they had to take care of me.  I will forever be grateful for the strong, kind, intelligent and loving babies I have. 

My mind and heart are filled will memories that I pray I never forget, from first words to first steps to rocking sick babies and seeing them succeed in all they tried and then to watching them launch their adult lives.  Sometimes I wonder how I could be so lucky as to have children, and not just any children, but THESE children?

I hope that each of you whether a Mom or a Daughter or even a Father or Son take time today to really think about what your Mom or the Mother of your children really provided for you and know that she is your biggest fan and your greatest supporter.  God created Moms a special way and for a special purpose and those of us blessed enough to call ourselves Mother should cherish and pray thanksgiving everyday for that privilege.