Sunday, May 31, 2015

I was Divorced on Friday.

Friday was the day.  The day when my husband took me into a court room and divorced me.  I have spent the last year praying it would never happen. I can not even begin to tell you how many people have actively gotten on their knees an prayed over us and him.  I have prayed he would choose to love me again and come home to our family...but he didn't.  He has moved on an did it a long time ago.  Our 26 years of marriage and 30 years together were nothing.  During the proceedings he never looked at me, afterwards when I sat alone in my car crying he chose to walk by and not acknowledge me or see if I was OK.  That is when I realize what I really must mean to him. 
 
But, that isn't the way I felt for him all those years.  I loved him more than life itself and gave him everything I had to give. I was far from perfect but I gave him all my heart, devotion an adoration and believed his words and actions.  I believed in a God that had created us for each other an ordained our family as His. Now...I don't know. I truly believed we were created for each other because God knew the issues we would face and he made us so that we would weather the storms until my husband gave up. I don't even know what I believe anymore.
 
The saddest thing. though, is how his choices have destroyed what was once a happy, whole family that loved each other.  Now the bonds are broken...between Mother & Daughter, Sister & Brother, Brothers, Father & Son.  We are just the rubble of what once was. Rubble he never has to see. We paid for his choices in our pain. But he is happy and whole.
 
I realize many people will feel I shouldn't have written this post but it has been a long time since I have felt brave enough to write about us, our family, our marriage.  I am feeling braver now and maybe that is a good sign.  Maybe it is a sign of healing within myself, maybe it is growth, maybe I have had my eyes opened to reality, maybe it is just done. I haven't cried all weekend because the man that sat in that courtroom I did not know, and did not want to know....so maybe love does go away.
 
If you have a wife or a husband and/or children, hug them a little tighter, a little longer with a little more intention because it can all be gone in a blink of an eye. Choose to love, even if it is just choosing to love living today just a little more! :-)
 
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13 comments:

Farrah said...

I'm sending you cyber hugs and love. I hope you and your babies find peace and love. Also wrapped in His love.

Laura @ Top This Top That said...

sorry about this outcome and the pain that you and your children have felt. You are a strong woman who's heart will continue to mend and get stronger.

Pinky at Designs by Pinky said...

I am glad you wrote this post, I am sure it will help many people. I think it iS a sign of healing at least I hope so for your sake. Thinking of you today. XO

Miss Janice said...

I'll be honest...my google reader is out of control! I'm so ashamed that I haven't kept up my blog reading, but I have no excuse. For some reason today, I opened it up and saw your post. My heart breaks for you. I have found that during the lowest moments in my life, the only thing that helped through was the Bible. And prayer. Even though others leave you, God will never leave you! God's peace be with you.

Miss Janice said...

I'll be honest...my google reader is out of control! I'm so ashamed that I haven't kept up my blog reading, but I have no excuse. For some reason today, I opened it up and saw your post. My heart breaks for you. I have found that during the lowest moments in my life, the only thing that helped through was the Bible. And prayer. Even though others leave you, God will never leave you! God's peace be with you.

Sarah Cook said...

Hugs to you. Going through my blog feed and saw your name tagged...Ari is a friend of my sister's! The photos were beautiful of Piper and your son!

Living Life in the Lowcountry said...

My heart just breaks for you! But, I believe you will come out stronger after weathering this. I continue to keep you in my prayers! 😘

. said...

Michelle, this just breaks my heart. I am so sorry, but you must know those years were not for nothing. All your past experiences and all the trust you have in our Lord are what make you who you are today. I love the quote which says, "God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggles, and a reward for your faithfulness." I don't know who said it but I like it and it's true.

Life Through Preppy Glasses said...

I am SO sorry to hear you are going through this incredibly stressful time. Stay close to your kids and Im sure you will come out stronger!

Kathie Truitt said...

I am so incredibly sorry. I've been following your story for quite some time. I wish I could hug you, sit with you and just listen to you. YOu write whatever you need to to get it all out.

Kathie Truitt said...

I'm not sure if my previous note came through, but please know I'm thinking of you, praying for you and hugging you from afar.

Ruth said...

I am so sorry! I am sending you cyber hugs.

Heather Peacock said...

Good for you for writing this post! Looks to me like something a woman does on her way to healing. One thing I would disagree with you about though. HE is not happy or whole. He may be medicated, or self medicating, or buying lots of things or whatever to deal with the horrible guilt he definitely feels. So don't think he walked away scott free. In the back of his mind it is always there. WORD. PS You don't have to post this if you don't want. It is just my way of encouraging you! Love to you and yours today.