Sunday, July 20, 2014

Two steps forward, Three steps back...


I have been doing really well lately, or at least I thought I had been..  I haven’t cried in a while.  But today, when I was getting my youngest ready for camp I opened a drawer and saw all sorts of memories.  They were clothes he had out grown, clothes from happier times when we had a whole family.  The tears started and I couldn’t stop them.  I just wanted to lay down in those clothes and cry myself to sleep.  I am crying again now as I think about it.  I miss my family and what family meant so very much.  We are now full of fractures filled with anger, hate and mistrust.  One thing I wanted my entire life is for my children to have close loving relationships with each other and I am seeing that dissolve before my very eyes. I hate this. I miss having back up when a child rearing issue comes up.. I miss knowing that there is someone who can step in when I can't handle it.  I am so tired of doing this alone.  I miss having someone to share the day with…I am lonely.  

I am tired of being strong when I really feel like “where are you God?” Why did this happen to us?

When will it ever, ever, ever get easier?

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7 comments:

southerninspiration said...

I'm so sorry, friend. I cannot imagine how hard it must be. Thinking of you and praying,
Suzanne

Pinky at Designs by Pinky said...

Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear ths. I am guessing you are seperated, or getting a divorce? I will keep you in my prayers and hope for strength for you. XO

Judy Sartain said...

Honey, I know exactly how you feel. Keep crying out to God - He hears. I know that it's hard, because we don't see any results with our eyes and in the timeframe we want. But God is in control and He loves you and thoes kids so very much. You are His treasured possession, the apple of His eye, and He holds you tightly in His mighty right hand. HE will never, ever leave you or forsake you, even though others have. Love you and will continue to pray! We need to get together soon.

jewelryqueen said...

My new precious friend, I am praying for you--reaching out today to encourage you and show you the great LOVE of Christ. God is "El Roi" the God who sees. He sees your pain, hears your cries and wraps His arms around you tight. He is there through it all will see you through this even when others let you down. It is so hard when walking through such fiery trials in this life. God told us to expect them--"In this world you WILL have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world" ~ John 16:33. I have been through some of the most excruciating times in my life and have seen that He was there in every step I took and every tear I cried. During those hard times I kept literally on my face in prayer and crying out to Him--ending a response of worship and eventually thanksgiving for the trial He was allowing to take place in my life. He was and still is refining me like silver. (a great book I read by Kay Arthur "As Silver Refined" was a great read during that time). Turn up the worship music (Hillsong Young & Free) and when you worship the devil has to flee! Keep looking unto Jesus! Much love from GA :-)

jewelryqueen said...

My new precious friend, I am praying for you--reaching out today to encourage you and show you the great LOVE of Christ. God is "El Roi" the God who sees. He sees your pain, hears your cries and wraps His arms around you tight. He is there through it all will see you through this even when others let you down. It is so hard when walking through such fiery trials in this life. God told us to expect them--"In this world you WILL have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world" ~ John 16:33. I have been through some of the most excruciating times in my life and have seen that He was there in every step I took and every tear I cried. During those hard times I kept literally on my face in prayer and crying out to Him--ending a response of worship and eventually thanksgiving for the trial He was allowing to take place in my life. He was and still is refining me like silver. (a great book I read by Kay Arthur "As Silver Refined" was a great read during that time). Turn up the worship music (Hillsong Young & Free) and when you worship God, the devil has to flee! Keep looking unto Jesus! Much love from GA :-)

Miss Char said...

Michelle, I'm so sorry that your pain continues to wound you as you seek the answers from God. He will answer and hold your close in his arms. There are many praying for you and your children.

Sues said...

Echoing everyone else's support & love. I wish I had a magic answer to share, but please don't beat yourself up over still having grieving & mourning days.