Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Loneliness

I have known being lonely.  I have known being "left out" but I guess I have never known this loneliness.  It is a full bodied experience that reaches into your most inner soul and scrapes away every last thing it can possibly take.  It isn't the quiet "I feel sad and alone" feeling but rather it is an active tearing and wearing away.  It makes you feel alone even in a crowd of people.  It isolates you by surprise and sneaks up on you when you least expect it.  It gives you peeks into your future...alone as the people you love leave.  I can do alone, it doesn't bother me...but this loneliness, this being cut away from those you love most is a torture that I know comes straight from hell.

I read this quote this morning, "James says, “One of the greatest tactics from Satan is that he wants you to doubt God, and he’ll try to make you think that loneliness means God is not there for you. If he can make you doubt God’s ability to take care of you, and you start reacting to the situation in your own strength, then Satan has won the battle. God is the only answer through the whole thing. If you seek to glorify God and not glorify yourself, then you’ll win.” (*Steve Grissom, Kathy Leonard)

Understanding my battle is not with flesh and blood, but rather the darkness that has invaded my life doesn't  make it easier as I am battling logic versus heart.   "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." ~Ephesians 6:12.  The enemy has stolen so much and he wants much  more. It isn't over.... 

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3 comments:

Rustown Mom said...

It sounds like you are in the midst of the worst and hopefully it will ease up soon so that you can see a little bit of the sun. I feel like that "peek into the future" happens to me, too, and I have to remind myself that I can change that trajectory if I work hard towards how I want it to be. Change is scary, hard, and inevitable. Struggle is optional. I have to tell myself that because I don't do well with major life-changing events!

Sues said...

As much as it hurts, I honestly think you are on the right path re: knowing & acknowledging the truth via these devotionals & scripture...even if the head knowledge isn't taking over your heart, yet.

Ruth said...

I wish I was there to give you a hug. I hate so much you are hurting.