I have known being lonely. I have known being "left out" but I guess I have never known this loneliness. It is a full bodied experience that reaches into your most inner soul and scrapes away every last thing it can possibly take. It isn't the quiet "I feel sad and alone" feeling but rather it is an active tearing and wearing away. It makes you feel alone even in a crowd of people. It isolates you by surprise and sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It gives you peeks into your future...alone as the people you love leave. I can do alone, it doesn't bother me...but this loneliness, this being cut away from those you love most is a torture that I know comes straight from hell.
I read this quote this morning, "James says, “One of the greatest tactics
from Satan is that he wants you to doubt God, and he’ll try to make you
think that loneliness means God is not there for you. If he can make you
doubt God’s ability to take care of you, and you start reacting to the
situation in your own strength, then Satan has won the battle. God is
the only answer through the whole thing. If you seek to glorify God and
not glorify yourself, then you’ll win.” (*Steve Grissom, Kathy Leonard)
Understanding my battle is not with flesh and blood, but rather the darkness that has invaded my life doesn't make it easier as I am battling logic versus heart. "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against
evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers
in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." ~Ephesians 6:12. The enemy has stolen so much and he wants much more. It isn't over....