Friday, March 28, 2014

Signing My Life Away...

Have you ever used that term, "I am signing my life away?"  It seems I have heard it when people are financing a new car or house, or even getting married. It is said in a comical way because for their signature they are generally acquiring something they really, really want...even at a high cost.

But this week, I signed my signature on a document I never wanted to sign; a  document I never wanted to see.  I was forced to sign a document I have prayed and begged not to have to sign.  I literally signed my life away and got nothing in return... except emptiness, broken heartedness,  the loss of someone I have loved my entire life, my hopes, and my dreams. I stood in a cold, sterile office shaking, with tears streaming down my face, as a stranger witnessed my signature and notarized the documents and tried to say the right things to make it easier.  There are no words that make this easier. There are no right things when divorce is wrong. "The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect...(Malachi 2:16 NIV).”  I just truly never thought we would be here.  I believed our marriage to be blessed, even with all the hard things that were involved.    Now there is nothing to make this right or just or ok....just nothing. I so desperately want a miracle.

I am clinging to a thread knowing that my God is in control and that HE loves me.  I am weary from the battle and  I don't like my new life, I don't want this new life but I love my God and am having to trust Him and when I look into the faces of my 3 sweet babies I know He is full of love, mercy and grace.  

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
~Psalm 62:8

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13 comments:

Living Life in the Lowcountry said...

((((Hugs to you!!!))) So sorry you are going through this, you are in my prayers.

Laura @ Top This Top That said...

oh no. i realized something was going on in your life but did not realize that you were dissolving your marriage. Prayers to you and your kids that you find ways to create new happiness for yourself and family as you adjust to this situation. hugs

mrscohen said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. Divorce is difficult; but survivable. I promise. You are a strong lady. I'm always here for you.
Xoxo and big squeeeeezy hugs!

Sarah Cook said...

Michelle, I am praying for you and your family. Your heart is breaking, but know that it will mend slowly over time.

lisa buck said...

Oh dear sweet friend, my prayers are with you. May God Grant you strength & wisdom. You have certainly had enough challenges....may He also grant you Sunshine. {{{big hugs}}}

The Subtle Details said...

While I've been reading your blog for some time, today is the first I've commented. My heart just aches for you today. I wish I could give you a big hug and make everything better, but since that is not possible, please know that you are covered in prayer. Just remember...you are loved.

southern-newlywed said...

Divorce is such a terrible burden to bear. I'm so sorry for what you are feeling right now. I've seen divorce be the best thing that ever happened to a person. Sounds morbid, I know. This is a painful time but in the FUTURE you will learn who you are. You aren't just a wife and a mom. You are Michelle. Who Michelle becomes is all in your hands. I'm excited to see who you become! Keep your head up. I know you are hurting but I am so excited about your future!

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

I am so so sorry! I know this is such a painful time for you. I've heard it said that one actually needs to grieve the death of a marriage/dream. I hope you are allowing yourself that time- however long it takes.

Sending you hugs!!
KK

Sues said...

I can't say enough how sorry I am this has happened. It's extra awful that you want no part of it and it's been forced on you. You have to know, though, you have done nothing wrong, and God will lift you out of this nasty pit. Take whatever time you need to mourn, and know that you are loved!

Scott Costley said...

Michelle, This is certainly a difficult and painful experience fot you and your family, my heart goes out to you all. But in 1 Peter: 12-19 it states "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name." and of course in Romans 8:18 it states "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.". I know these words may be hollow at the moment, but continue to trust in the Lord. We love you all!!

Gabi said...

(((((((Hugs)))))))) Just a little note to let you know I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers. Hang in there! xoxo

Southern Lady said...

Praying for you. -Carla

Ruth said...

I am so sorry to hear y'all divorced. You are in my prayers.
Hugs