Monday, March 31, 2014

Being too much...

Today I am tired of being "not enough."  I am tired of the you are "too"  in life....too old, too ugly, too mean, too unhealthy looking, you are too unlovable because...,  you say the wrong things, you speak too ugly to me and make me feel bad, you don't support me and never have, you make me feel too stupid and always have, you make me feel wrong, you shove God in my face too much, you are too imperfect, you talk to the wrong person, you are just "too" in every sense of the negative, you are too angry, you are too spiteful,you have spent too much of my my money,  you are making this too hard, you won't work with me, and don't forget "you talk about the Bible and look at the way you act.",  your children act the way they do because of you.  You never gave enough.. All I keep being told is how "too" everything I am that is wrong in this world, it seems everywhere I turn..  If I make a mistake (an honest, unintentional mistake) I am evil and looking to hurt someone. If I show weakness and hurt I bring frustration and anger.  There is no grace and no mercy...just a reminder of how "too" much I am. 

Sometimes I think I need to act on this  "too" list.  Maybe I should be too mean, maybe I should try to hurt others, maybe I should talk to the wrong person, maybe I should be spiteful, maybe I should make it too hard, maybe I should make some mistakes...since I am already "too much." 

Maybe,  just maybe,  I should let the truth release me to be truly "too" much....

This is your lot, the portion I have measured out to you, 
declares the Lord, because you have forgotten me and trusted in lies. 
~Jeremiah 13:25


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3 comments:

The City Boy said...

never thought about the word in this way, but you are very right. Wishing the best!

Rebecca said...

maybe you're just a little "too" strong...to be defeated.

Sues said...

Too hurtful. :-( I've had some of these thrown in my face during arguments in the bad times, and they gutted me to my core. I cannot imagine in this higher-stakes situation how much deeper these awful words cut.
Sending so much love & comfort...