Saturday, April 29, 2006
This is a funny that someone emailed me and I just thought was so, so funny!
EXCERPTS FROM THE DOG'S DAILY DIARY
8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM THE CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 283 Of My Captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Friday, April 28, 2006
Have you ever truly known a Steel Magnolia? If you have, you understand the meaning. If you have not, I hope you someday meet one...or possibly become one... or even better, are loved by one. Women in the South are often Steel Magnolias. Women so lady-like, so sweet, so gentle, so soft to the touch... just like our beloved magnolia blooms. The elegant exteriors of these ladies serve as perfect cloaks for the steel character within their hearts and souls. This morning I had the pleasure of spending some time with just such a creature. One day I will write more on this particular Steel Magnolia but for today I was just pleased to share a few hours!
We had a nice southern breakfast...In the south we had what is referred to as a country breakfast at a place called, Wildman's BBQ (yeah, they have BBQ on the menu even at breakfast! http://www.wildmansbbq.net/). I had a huge biscuit smothered in sausage gravy and my typical diet coke (I don't drink coffee!). My dear friend had the "Wildman's Breakfast". We were surprised when it arrived as a biscuit split open and topped with the ordered scrambled eggs, sausage patties and then the whole thing was smothered in gravy; neither of us had ever seen it done quite that way! You learn something new everyday.
The waitress snapped a photo for us with the "pig"!
"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering,
gentleness, goodness, faith."
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Written, January 2006
Today, being my oldest son's birthday, he requested brownies for his at-school-treat to share with friends instead of cupcakes. I thought, hey....cool -- I do a mean brownie! Well last night, I don't know how, but I really flubbed the brownies...they just didn't turn out right. Today I was too busy to start over as I had to have them at school at 11:30 a.m., an also have to bake cupcakes for tonight and clean my house for our dinner company that is coming to celebrate with us................so.............
I went by the grocery store and bought iced brownies from their bakery, brought them home and very lovingly placed them in my large "haul food back and forth to school" Rubbermaid container, (you know the one that screams THIS MOM BAKES AT HOME, LADIES!), and with even more homemade goodness sprinkled them with Sponge bob sprinkles and I was ready to enter the cafeteria! I even wondered if I should splatter some chocolate on my sweater?
Later in the afternoon:
Well now, I am back from school (of course, until I have to get back in the car in 1 hour 50 minutes to go pick them up again!)...and OMG, you aren't going to believe what happened....
Dear son and I hand out the brownies, to much adoration and admiration. Everyone was happy -- getting all caffeinated and sugared up for the afternoon (I know teachers must love this ritual)...and this little girl comes up to me and says....
"Are these home-made?"..........................LOLOLOLOL
Well, this being a Christian school and all, and me not being fond of lightning and such.... but also NOT about to say, "No, sweet thing....they are made at the grocery store and probably from a mix to boot; and just to try to snooker you all and any of your over achieving Mama's, that might be around, I took them home and prettied them up for ya!"...I looked her in her cotton-picking, little beady, FoodTV watching eyes and smiled my brightest smile and without a flinch said...."Why? Do you like them?"
Am I going to Hell for this or will my tuition just get raised double next year?
When I think of this journal I feel the need to wade into it slowly, as one enters a cold river...trying to make the right step without falling, all the while the ice-cold water swirls around your legs. I need to introduce who I am. Where it began. I married the most gentle, caring and strong man almost 18 years ago. Although I had a life before marriage, it was nothing compared to the life that grew from that day forth. I have felt more happiness, experienced true joy, and also fought for breathe when feeling pain deeper than comprehensible with my husband. I became who I am through this marriage and our family. He is my complement and though we have weathered many dark days, the journey has always been a God thing. God has kept us together, even when we desperately tried to tear "us" apart.
"Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And God of peace will be with you."